Dear Newly Weds,
Welcome to the “Married” World. It can be as wondrous as both of you want it to be. There are no limits to the span of human spirits. This voyage of mutual discovery is an adventure of `FACT’
· Friendship with forgiveness and forbearance
· Affection with acceptance
· Companionship with contentment
· Tenderness with finesse of tactile touch
On the way let “love” blossom. Love is only
“Understanding of each others values”
Learn to gather each day with gratitude for the good things both of you have, amidst the security of your families, their care and concern for your well being. You have now become a son & daughter for your in-laws. Become the bridge of their understanding. Heed their advice whilst listening to your inner voice. Adjusting and adapting to the larger family, calls for tact and diplomacy.
The “Union by Wedlock” has certain guidelines of simple common sense.
· The bedroom is the sanctum – sanctorum – never let your inner privacy be invaded
· The bed is the altar of your marriage – Each day begins and ends there. Life in essence revolves round it.
· Never go to bed angry. Make up always and each time. Learning to laugh, forgive and forget will bring you happiness in ways that both of you can’t imagine.
· “Freshness” for each other should become part of your lifestyle. Dressing well, looking nice and being gracious is easily affordable and achievable. In short never take each other for granted.
· There are bound to be some down days. Face them with courage and calmness. Running away never does anyone good. Mutual support, sacrifice and letting go, are the keys to your kingdom.
· Remember both of you are what you are! Togetherness is tethered in reaching out to the other while remaining yourself.
May you both live life in all its fullness. May the `Line’ be carried forward with humility, grace, gratitude, in recognition of your innate talents and strengths.
May God bless you both, with prosperity in tranquility and good health, in the cocoon of your marriage.
barry
Friday, June 29, 2007
stephens violin
STEPHEN'S VIOLIN
1. This is not a musical story. It is however a glimpse of the Value Intrinsic of Living in the Navy (VIOLIN) as demonstrated by Stephen.
2. Stephen was a hardy soul who reported to the ship one fine morning as the EXO. In his formal call on the Captain, Stephen in his inimitable simplistic style let the Captain know that he was indeed aware that he had no prospects of promotion but had decided to do his sea tenure to gain what he termed as an opportunity to be with the young of the navy. He also stated that he had "Chosen to Care” because he believed in being positive. The Captain was naturally curious to know more about this. Stephen stated "Sir, I have analysed life in the Navy and one day, as I was sitting, a few thoughts struck me on life in our service, its plusses and minuses, and I said to myself. 'Hey wait! 'lets' tabulate these and add up some equations.' The result is an abacus - like tabulation on the good and the bad of our service. I tried hard to look at the negatives harshly and the positives miserly. Even then I realised that no matter what I did, the plus outweighed the minus. I showed this to my wife and she told me that her biggest security came from an assured knowledge that the Navy would take care of her also. We shared this with our children and what it means to each of us. From then on, this has inspired me to care for others and our fine service. Of course, I will be delighted to get promoted, but promotion or no promotion, I am going to run a balanced happy outfit, and sir, let's see what we can do to real."
3. The Captain made Stephen informally share this idea with the wardroom. The response ranged from enthusiasm to skepticism. Stephen never spoke "I". It was always "we can do", "we must do" or "we will do". At times he said "Gentlemen, whether the Captain is right or wrong doesn't matter. What matters more is that he's the Captain. We need to give him correct inputs and our free and frank suggestions. He is a thinking man and we can be sure if our ideas are worth it he will accept them without question." The young Turks took this up enthusiastically. The second level was wary, waiting to see whether this bubble of so called Christian goodwill would burst in the face of crisis. Stephen disarmed them by blowing no bubbles of fairytale goodness. With him it was poise, practical, down to earth realism with straight forward civility. The wardroom was in effect declared a no-combat zone. Most issues were invariably diffused to non-issues through free and frank discussion and dialogue.
4. The motto of Stephen "Choose to Care" and his method of gently strumming the strings in the violin of life caught the imagination of the ship in a subtle unpresssured sub-conscious manner. Outsiders were struck by the friendship, mutual consideration and poised presence of the officers and positive attitude of sailors. There was an air of comfort and well-being. Even the cynics conceded that Stephen was a solid guy.
5. This did not mean that there were no crises or mistakes. The message Stephen managed to send was "Do not let fear of failure upset you and do not let actual failure retard you. Conquer fear of fear and give any task your best effort. Never hesitate to own up to mistakes. Let us see what happens since all of us our human beings and human beings will make mistakes. This is the violin of life."
6. Stephen and the Captain disagreed on many issues. Though they differed they were never disagreeable to each other. They just agreed to disagree. Circumstances and necessities often prevailed upon the decision arrived at. Stephen ensured that the decision taken, was followed in Letter and Spirit. The ship naturally performed very well.
7. Stephen never made it to the next rank. He however has been promoted many times in the minds of his ship mates. The Captain called two youngsters and told them to describe Stephen. This was what was the result. The first person, a Gunnery Specialist, said he was struck by Stephen's personality hallmarks of:-
(a) Listening and paying attention to suggestions from one and all.
(b) His attitude towards care and welfare. The quality of food was improved, resulting in 80% of the in-living sailors staying onboard for dinner. It is understood that this, combined with a well run video, provided a better option in comparison to alcohol at Sailors' Institute.
(c) Participative management style in all whole-ship activities.
(d) Sincere transparency.
(e) Pragmatic value system of dealing with all situations.
(f) Forethought and anticipation for all evolutions which reduced tension all round.
(g) Planning - weekly detailed planning in consultation.
(h) Human resource management, balanced use of inliving and MLR sailors.
(j) Paying attention to administrative care of families - creation of a ships cell to look after contingent requirements, particularly during deployment.
8. The second, an aviator, endorsed the above, saying Stephen was not only an efficient EXO, but a father figure too. As the PMC, he was instrumental in making the wardroom atmosphere friendly and cohesive. He declared Stephen to be a real 'Man'.
9. Conclusion. The above only highlights the positive aspects of a naval value system and its fruition into sensible, practical, leadership and management values. You may be "short of money, but never of ideas"; there may be a "shortage of things, but never of human spirit."
10. Stephen continues to care.
11. The violin abacus is given below for those who chose to care.
VALUE INTRINSIC OF LIVING IN THE NAVY
PLUSSES PLUSSES MINUSES
PERMANENT TEMPORAL
FAMILY CARE PROMOTION BAD BOSS
HEALTH CARE CAMARADERIE OWN INSECURITY
SECURITY OF JOB JOB SATISFACTION LOSS OF PROMOTION
SOME PERKS:- MANAGEMENT EXPERIENCE TY LOSS OF HOUSE
HOUSE
HOSPITAL CRISIS HANDLING DISRUPTION DUE
CLUB POOL NEW EXPERIENCES TY DUTY/TRANSFER
MOVIE HALL ETC
PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT
OPPORTUNITY
ASSURED PAY
DEVELOP A "CAN DO" ATTITUDE - IT WILL IMPACT ON YOUR PERSONALITY, FAMILY AND APPROACH TO LIFE. YOU WILL BE SURPRISED AS HOW YOUR LIVING CHANGES WITH THIS.
12. The Captain learnt from Stephen that "The choices you make Command the Life you Lead”.
13. Stephen’s violin still plays in the Captain’s Mind.
Vice admiral Venkat Bharathan Indian Navy (retd)
1. This is not a musical story. It is however a glimpse of the Value Intrinsic of Living in the Navy (VIOLIN) as demonstrated by Stephen.
2. Stephen was a hardy soul who reported to the ship one fine morning as the EXO. In his formal call on the Captain, Stephen in his inimitable simplistic style let the Captain know that he was indeed aware that he had no prospects of promotion but had decided to do his sea tenure to gain what he termed as an opportunity to be with the young of the navy. He also stated that he had "Chosen to Care” because he believed in being positive. The Captain was naturally curious to know more about this. Stephen stated "Sir, I have analysed life in the Navy and one day, as I was sitting, a few thoughts struck me on life in our service, its plusses and minuses, and I said to myself. 'Hey wait! 'lets' tabulate these and add up some equations.' The result is an abacus - like tabulation on the good and the bad of our service. I tried hard to look at the negatives harshly and the positives miserly. Even then I realised that no matter what I did, the plus outweighed the minus. I showed this to my wife and she told me that her biggest security came from an assured knowledge that the Navy would take care of her also. We shared this with our children and what it means to each of us. From then on, this has inspired me to care for others and our fine service. Of course, I will be delighted to get promoted, but promotion or no promotion, I am going to run a balanced happy outfit, and sir, let's see what we can do to real."
3. The Captain made Stephen informally share this idea with the wardroom. The response ranged from enthusiasm to skepticism. Stephen never spoke "I". It was always "we can do", "we must do" or "we will do". At times he said "Gentlemen, whether the Captain is right or wrong doesn't matter. What matters more is that he's the Captain. We need to give him correct inputs and our free and frank suggestions. He is a thinking man and we can be sure if our ideas are worth it he will accept them without question." The young Turks took this up enthusiastically. The second level was wary, waiting to see whether this bubble of so called Christian goodwill would burst in the face of crisis. Stephen disarmed them by blowing no bubbles of fairytale goodness. With him it was poise, practical, down to earth realism with straight forward civility. The wardroom was in effect declared a no-combat zone. Most issues were invariably diffused to non-issues through free and frank discussion and dialogue.
4. The motto of Stephen "Choose to Care" and his method of gently strumming the strings in the violin of life caught the imagination of the ship in a subtle unpresssured sub-conscious manner. Outsiders were struck by the friendship, mutual consideration and poised presence of the officers and positive attitude of sailors. There was an air of comfort and well-being. Even the cynics conceded that Stephen was a solid guy.
5. This did not mean that there were no crises or mistakes. The message Stephen managed to send was "Do not let fear of failure upset you and do not let actual failure retard you. Conquer fear of fear and give any task your best effort. Never hesitate to own up to mistakes. Let us see what happens since all of us our human beings and human beings will make mistakes. This is the violin of life."
6. Stephen and the Captain disagreed on many issues. Though they differed they were never disagreeable to each other. They just agreed to disagree. Circumstances and necessities often prevailed upon the decision arrived at. Stephen ensured that the decision taken, was followed in Letter and Spirit. The ship naturally performed very well.
7. Stephen never made it to the next rank. He however has been promoted many times in the minds of his ship mates. The Captain called two youngsters and told them to describe Stephen. This was what was the result. The first person, a Gunnery Specialist, said he was struck by Stephen's personality hallmarks of:-
(a) Listening and paying attention to suggestions from one and all.
(b) His attitude towards care and welfare. The quality of food was improved, resulting in 80% of the in-living sailors staying onboard for dinner. It is understood that this, combined with a well run video, provided a better option in comparison to alcohol at Sailors' Institute.
(c) Participative management style in all whole-ship activities.
(d) Sincere transparency.
(e) Pragmatic value system of dealing with all situations.
(f) Forethought and anticipation for all evolutions which reduced tension all round.
(g) Planning - weekly detailed planning in consultation.
(h) Human resource management, balanced use of inliving and MLR sailors.
(j) Paying attention to administrative care of families - creation of a ships cell to look after contingent requirements, particularly during deployment.
8. The second, an aviator, endorsed the above, saying Stephen was not only an efficient EXO, but a father figure too. As the PMC, he was instrumental in making the wardroom atmosphere friendly and cohesive. He declared Stephen to be a real 'Man'.
9. Conclusion. The above only highlights the positive aspects of a naval value system and its fruition into sensible, practical, leadership and management values. You may be "short of money, but never of ideas"; there may be a "shortage of things, but never of human spirit."
10. Stephen continues to care.
11. The violin abacus is given below for those who chose to care.
VALUE INTRINSIC OF LIVING IN THE NAVY
PLUSSES PLUSSES MINUSES
PERMANENT TEMPORAL
FAMILY CARE PROMOTION BAD BOSS
HEALTH CARE CAMARADERIE OWN INSECURITY
SECURITY OF JOB JOB SATISFACTION LOSS OF PROMOTION
SOME PERKS:- MANAGEMENT EXPERIENCE TY LOSS OF HOUSE
HOUSE
HOSPITAL CRISIS HANDLING DISRUPTION DUE
CLUB POOL NEW EXPERIENCES TY DUTY/TRANSFER
MOVIE HALL ETC
PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT
OPPORTUNITY
ASSURED PAY
DEVELOP A "CAN DO" ATTITUDE - IT WILL IMPACT ON YOUR PERSONALITY, FAMILY AND APPROACH TO LIFE. YOU WILL BE SURPRISED AS HOW YOUR LIVING CHANGES WITH THIS.
12. The Captain learnt from Stephen that "The choices you make Command the Life you Lead”.
13. Stephen’s violin still plays in the Captain’s Mind.
Vice admiral Venkat Bharathan Indian Navy (retd)
Spreading “Self Worth”
If there was only one thing that humanity needs to think about ! ?. I would readily choose “Self Worth”. It is perhaps an earthy but clearer reflection of the Human spirit . The concept of the human spirit to all of us who remain preoccupied with our daily lives, mostly seems abstract and something unattainable or something which requires to take time off to introspect about and some thing that can be achieved only by extra ordinary effort .
“Self Worth “ is perhaps the key to shaping our lives. It is the value we daily give ourselves at home or at work , the way we deal with ourselves or our family, friends, colleagues subordinates and superiors . It also helps put things in perspective when we deal with our dreams and desires by telling us that the former has to be daily balanced by our drive and determination.
The measure of the worth of our self or even thinking about it would teach us to first “Believe”, “ Belong’ and finally “Be”. Then only you and I can look into our own eyes, our children’s and the rest of humanity. It would teach us forbearance and the need for understanding instead of jumping to judgements about others and even of situations therein. We would realise that we too are imperfect. Others too can be. We too desire. So why grudge others theirs !. There is enough to go around . We need to become daily aware that we only have to compete every day with ourselves, our selfishness, thereby our insecurities and hence our vulnerabilities. We should learn to listen to our inner voice which each day tells us the correct thing to do. This is a special gift of human awareness that is absolutely free of cost and ready for the asking.
Most of are conditioned to believe that it is easier to write about “Self Worth” than practice thinking about it. Our daily grind does not give us the luxury of pondering about it, between our careers and aspirations, managing the family, raising our children . We seem to be on a fast train to nowhere and trying to reach it yesterday. Albert Einstein after discovering the theory of relativity is believed to have said “I hope technology does not rob people of Humanity”. .Self worth would indeed teach us to control the pace of our life and think about the space which we all occupy in this World – Our very own inner, private and public space. The first one is our sanctum sanctorum-nobody can ever access this. At times even we ourselves do not know how to get into this. Private space is where we allow our family to coexist with us. One or two others may be allowed to get into this. Public space is our daily “Arena “ of coexistence with Society- the way we deal with the day at work, at home , a host of others and situations . Managing this well is directly dependant on our balanced management of the inner and private space .
Where does all this lead up to ?. the first and foremost essentiality that we control the velocity of our life, slowing down and speeding up so that there is balance in whatever we do . if we treasure ourselves, only then we would cherish whatever we have and try to self develop in perspective with our every days with all our wants, needs, desires and also prepare to meet the challenges, opportunities, obstacles as well the fleeting moments of both happiness and sadness, all as part of the laws of life.
. Children too need to be given an orientation on Self worth along with their schooling. It is important to teach them success. It is more important to teach them how to get there with a sense of self confidence and self comfort. It is most important to teach them about the hollowness of a victory that has been achieved on false pretences. In the ultimate no one else may know but in each one of us there is that inner truth which none of us can never deny and one that we carry with us till our last breath. Academic brilliance is always a perceived must but it only gives us knowledge. What we require is “Education” in its larger and fuller sense to celebrate the joy and challenges of life and give meaning to our existence.
“Self Worth” comes in first and foremost all the time.
What does it give us - Ambition with acceptance of reality, confidence without arrogance , modesty without servility, fortitude to face failure, strength to stand up to sorrow and to greet success with gratitude.
Emotions are integral to humans. There are however four base emotions none of us like but cannot avoid. These are Fear, Anger, Desire and Ego. If the human can control all these, perhaps he/she would be the Master of the Universe. Since this would beyond the realm of the normal Homo-Sapien, can we not try and reduce these to the extent possible in our daily living . Anger, desire and ego are within our span of control and a sense of self worth would certainly help us to rationalize these. Fear is actually and mostly False evidence appearing Real. However it is part of our conditioning . From the time you begin to walk we are taught to be afraid . Every individual has or her own thresh hold of fear. Even fear can be controlled if we are able to attach more importance to Self worth and consequently realise the value of existence and the foolishness of being afraid of our own shadows or even of others .
Attitude is the key to our personality. It anchors our self worth and prepares us to face or succumb to adversity. Attitude predicates our relationships at, home, at work and with society. It greatly influences our health and mind.
“Self worth” defines our roles, responsibilities, relationships and routines and finally who we are and what we want to be and become
If there was only one thing that humanity needs to think about ! ?. I would readily choose “Self Worth”. It is perhaps an earthy but clearer reflection of the Human spirit . The concept of the human spirit to all of us who remain preoccupied with our daily lives, mostly seems abstract and something unattainable or something which requires to take time off to introspect about and some thing that can be achieved only by extra ordinary effort .
“Self Worth “ is perhaps the key to shaping our lives. It is the value we daily give ourselves at home or at work , the way we deal with ourselves or our family, friends, colleagues subordinates and superiors . It also helps put things in perspective when we deal with our dreams and desires by telling us that the former has to be daily balanced by our drive and determination.
The measure of the worth of our self or even thinking about it would teach us to first “Believe”, “ Belong’ and finally “Be”. Then only you and I can look into our own eyes, our children’s and the rest of humanity. It would teach us forbearance and the need for understanding instead of jumping to judgements about others and even of situations therein. We would realise that we too are imperfect. Others too can be. We too desire. So why grudge others theirs !. There is enough to go around . We need to become daily aware that we only have to compete every day with ourselves, our selfishness, thereby our insecurities and hence our vulnerabilities. We should learn to listen to our inner voice which each day tells us the correct thing to do. This is a special gift of human awareness that is absolutely free of cost and ready for the asking.
Most of are conditioned to believe that it is easier to write about “Self Worth” than practice thinking about it. Our daily grind does not give us the luxury of pondering about it, between our careers and aspirations, managing the family, raising our children . We seem to be on a fast train to nowhere and trying to reach it yesterday. Albert Einstein after discovering the theory of relativity is believed to have said “I hope technology does not rob people of Humanity”. .Self worth would indeed teach us to control the pace of our life and think about the space which we all occupy in this World – Our very own inner, private and public space. The first one is our sanctum sanctorum-nobody can ever access this. At times even we ourselves do not know how to get into this. Private space is where we allow our family to coexist with us. One or two others may be allowed to get into this. Public space is our daily “Arena “ of coexistence with Society- the way we deal with the day at work, at home , a host of others and situations . Managing this well is directly dependant on our balanced management of the inner and private space .
Where does all this lead up to ?. the first and foremost essentiality that we control the velocity of our life, slowing down and speeding up so that there is balance in whatever we do . if we treasure ourselves, only then we would cherish whatever we have and try to self develop in perspective with our every days with all our wants, needs, desires and also prepare to meet the challenges, opportunities, obstacles as well the fleeting moments of both happiness and sadness, all as part of the laws of life.
. Children too need to be given an orientation on Self worth along with their schooling. It is important to teach them success. It is more important to teach them how to get there with a sense of self confidence and self comfort. It is most important to teach them about the hollowness of a victory that has been achieved on false pretences. In the ultimate no one else may know but in each one of us there is that inner truth which none of us can never deny and one that we carry with us till our last breath. Academic brilliance is always a perceived must but it only gives us knowledge. What we require is “Education” in its larger and fuller sense to celebrate the joy and challenges of life and give meaning to our existence.
“Self Worth” comes in first and foremost all the time.
What does it give us - Ambition with acceptance of reality, confidence without arrogance , modesty without servility, fortitude to face failure, strength to stand up to sorrow and to greet success with gratitude.
Emotions are integral to humans. There are however four base emotions none of us like but cannot avoid. These are Fear, Anger, Desire and Ego. If the human can control all these, perhaps he/she would be the Master of the Universe. Since this would beyond the realm of the normal Homo-Sapien, can we not try and reduce these to the extent possible in our daily living . Anger, desire and ego are within our span of control and a sense of self worth would certainly help us to rationalize these. Fear is actually and mostly False evidence appearing Real. However it is part of our conditioning . From the time you begin to walk we are taught to be afraid . Every individual has or her own thresh hold of fear. Even fear can be controlled if we are able to attach more importance to Self worth and consequently realise the value of existence and the foolishness of being afraid of our own shadows or even of others .
Attitude is the key to our personality. It anchors our self worth and prepares us to face or succumb to adversity. Attitude predicates our relationships at, home, at work and with society. It greatly influences our health and mind.
“Self worth” defines our roles, responsibilities, relationships and routines and finally who we are and what we want to be and become
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